Gone.

Lately, I've felt like so much is gone.





Melissa, my sister, just left for college. So she's out. I won't be seeing her for a few months. Lovely. It was time though, you could tell.





I've got to get a job, so it looks like all of the free days I once had are evaporating. This probably bothers me the least though. Some extra cash is much needed. Tomorrow I've got to get an application from the local sandwich shop.





And worst yet, time keeps slipping through my fingers like grains of sand. People I care about are leaving in more ways than one, but I'm a big girl. I can handle this just fine on my own. Things will be OKAY. I can feel it in my bones.








On a happier, much more upbeat thought, I've been listening to some awesome music lately. Awesome meaning- The Killers, Meg & Dia, Coldplay, Radiohead, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Vampire Weekend, and Muse.

Also, I reread The Hunger Games so that I'm ready for the sequel. Always a favorite. I also finished Franny and Zooey. A lovely look at arguing that I've never seen before, actually, bantering would be a much better fitting word.

Movies anyone? Benjamin Button, of course, Cashback, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, The Secret Window, Smokin' Aces, Fight Club. There's a million more, but I'm sure you're tired of this.

Credits for the picture go to sirxlem from Deviantart.com










Random thought of the day-Today I went to my best friend's father's wedding. I'll blog about it ASAP.

Random conversation of the day-
My little sister- Sometimes I don't even feel like life is real.



Adios.

See you in a week.

And I'm off. Onwards I'll tread towards camp. The march of death.

Now I know to most people camp is a piece of cake, fun even. Let's just say my past camp experiences were filled with memories I enjoy suppressing. That's putting it lightly. I promised myself for years I'd never go back. Not ever again. I'd lost too many friends in the previous years to even think about enduring the circus again.

Then my friends started to plead, my mom began to harp, and my courage was tested. So, here I am, packing away. I leave early Sunday morning for a week of house-building and Jesus-singing fun. Sorry, I'm only remotely aware of how pessimistic I'm coming off.

Monday I finally went to that writing group. I was the youngest there, which didn't exactly come off as a surprise. There was one older man there who let us read a piece of his that the New York Times was running in its next issue. To say the least, it was astounding. There wasn't an error in sight. Flawless articulation and a strong voice. The group proceeded to rip apart each other's work. It was like watching a puppy being run over, tragically mesmerizing.

I'm not quite sure if I'll be returning to re-watch the horror. These were genuinely talented people who were sucking the creativity out of each other, devouring it like the first meal they'd had in days.

On a happier note, I'm making my older sister a CD tomorrow. I'll throw in a tad of rap to humor her, but the rest will be purely awesome. Marilyn's a musical genius, so she should have no problem helping me out. When I told Melissa of my plans she started laughing and said, "Hah, sure. Go ahead." Wait till she hears it. Her ears will practically explode!


Random thought of the day-
Paramore's new single is pretty awesome. Once a bamf, always a bamf. Oh, and I need to see Rent again.

Random conversation of the day-
Me-What time are we waking up tomorrow?
Friend-Too early for you.
Me-Ugh. What time?
Friend-Nine.
Me-Ew. Are you trying to kill me?

Let freedom ring from the lockers all around.

Free!
I'm officially finished with Sophomore year.
Let me say, this year was ten times better than last year. I'll carry on many happy memories and new friendships into Junior year.

Tonight I'm off to my friend's sleepover-party-thing. I'm already and hour and a half late. Well, I've never been one for schedules or telling time. Plus, I do have some time to kill before my mother comes to pick me up. Oh, the woes of being a sixteen-year-old without a license. What's even more pathetic is the fact that I don't even have a permit. I know, my accomplishments at the DMV are an inspiration to the world.

Today, as I stood outside waiting, for the last time, hopefully for the rest of my life, to take the bus home. It was nice outside. Actually not blisteringly hot. Spring is still holding on by threads. I'm going to enjoy every second of it before stepping outside and realizing that sunscreen is now a daily necessity.


The best random conversation I've had in the past two months-
I was curled up in a ball on my bed, trying to nap. Melissa, always chatty, was standing in my doorway.
Melissa-It's amazing, you know?
I lifted my head and looked at her, trying to tell her to leave with my glare. She obviously didn't get the message.
Me-What?
Melissa-That we're here, living in America, above the poverty line with a great family and friends.
My mouth fell open. Melissa's profound moments are about once a year, so I jumped at the chance to draw this conversation out.
Me-I know, it's crazy when you think about all the billions and billions of people in the world.
The conversation continued to flow in this direction for a few minutes before she skimpered off to Anne's house before work.

Random thought of the day-
Sarah, my second youngest sister, is going to sixth grade next year. Enjoy the shell shock, kid.

My dearest sister, Melissa.

Today Melissa turned 18. Well, actually only twenty three minutes ago, considering the fact that I'm writing this at 12:23.

I believe I failed my Spanish 3 exam today. Lovely thoughts, Katy. I AM NOT retaking Spanish 3 next year is this is the cause of my failing the year. Hells no. These past three years of Spanish have been torture. I swear, one more conjugation and I would have thrown my binder at the board and screamed, "I HATE SPANISH! I ONLY GOT THROUGH THE PAST THREE YEARS BY CHEATING OFF THE NERDY KIDS AROUND ME!" Yeah, I'm a little exuberant, what can I say?

The whole cheating thing is sadly true. Test me in any other subject and I'll pass gracefully, especially English. Give me Shakespeare and I'll fly. Anyways, I really only got caught cheating once, I didn't even get in trouble, just scolded. My friend and I laughed our whole way through it. Stupid state requirements. Stupid striving for a distinguished graduation. If I don't pass, then screw it.

I should really get back to writing. I started last summer, determined to write as much as possible. Same story going, but there's lots of editing that needs to be done and I'm not really looking forward to that.

Oh, right, back to my sister. It's her birthday today. Whoo hoo! I'll tell you a little about her.

A profile of Melissa-
First of all, she's gorgeous in the Barbie way. Seriously, she's a brunette version of Barbie. She's stick skinny, tan from spray tanning, which, by the way, I detest, five elven, and ditsy as hell, but we all love her anyways. She'll make you laugh when you want to punch her in the face and sing her heart out as she dances around the living room, pretending not to hear you screaming for her to shut up. Melissa is the type of person who chooses to see the good in the world, rather than the truth. This is both a blessing and a curse. She makes friends like Dominoes makes pizzas, but often finds herself in sticky situations with people she thought would love her unconditionaly. A happy go lucky kid. And that's just it, to me, she's still just a kid. I'm so motherly towards her, constantly watching out for her and telling her what to and what not to do, who to avoid entirely and what music to listen to. Well, I guess you have to cut the cord somewhere right? The pliers are coming out-college is approaching. I love her to death, but she irritates me more than almost any other person I know.

It's okay.

It's okay. Everything is going to be fine. Don't worry. Everything is okay.

I'm going to keep feeding this sentence to myself until it becomes true. So far it's working. Later I'll read Wuthering Heights until I cry and drink Coke until I fall asleep with the sweetness still saturating my tongue.

Basically, a lot of things keep hitting me. It seems like it's one thing after another. Like gunshots, pelting my chest. Bam. Bam. Bam. Maybe this is some kind of test for my endurance...well, I'm going to keep fighting. I will not be broken this easily.


Change is also looming on my horizon. I'm not exactly the biggest fan of change, in fact, I hate it. It's just standing there, glowing in the distance and it's not like I can run sprinting towards it, throwing caution to the wind and forgetting all of my cares. Time cannot be quickened by us. So I stand, waiting, watching, preparing myself for what is to come. I say my heartfelt goodbyes and welcome the strangers into my life who I know will spin my life around. It's necessary, but I can't help feeling a little out of control, a little anxious.


Sorry. I do feel better now.


Random conversation of the day-
My sister's friend-Who's a cutie?
My dog-*folds his ears back*
My sister's friend-Who's a little baby craw fish cutie puppy baby?
Me-Um? Hah?
My dog-Grrrrrrrr...
My sister's friend-Why is he growling? Puppy baby, sometimes you're a nice kitten, but sometimes you're a meanie!
Me-Wow.


Random thought of the day-Skyway Avenue by We the Kings is playing on Pandora right now.

Music and Spelling.

You know, as a kid I had the hardest time spelling the word Wednesday? Call me challenged. I've been having the weirdest dreams. For example, on Monday night I fell asleep reallllyyyy early. I'm talking seven, people. As I slept I had a dream that I stole hundreds of dollars from the poor then proceeded to lie about it, telling everyone I really gave the money back to the homeless. When I awoke the next morning I felt utterly confused. For a few minutes I actually thought I'd stolen the money. I felt extremely guilty until I realised I was being an idiot because it was all a crazy dream. I guess that's what I get for letting my imagination run wild!

Lately I've been listening to a lot of Meg & Dia. If you don't know who I'm talking about then go look them up...NOW! I mean it. Anyways, they're coming here this summer for the Vans Warped Tour. I'm bringing my sister and hopefully my best friend with me this year. It should be an educational experience for Melissa, she only listens to a few genres. My goal is to broaden her musical horizon, ha ha.

I have to admit that finding out we are in the last six weeks of school threw me for a loop. For one thing, this year is soooo much better than last year. Let's just say that I had my reasons for having a shitty year. I feel like this year has been a year of significant growth. You could say I opened my eyes to the world. I've been reading as much as I can and writing like a crazy person. Plus, I switched out of my dreadful choir class. Don't get me wrong, choir kids are just awesome. Some of my best friends are in choir, it's sort of a 'cool' thing to do at my school. Anyways, I was a member of choir for a good four and a half years. Really, I should have dropped out on my first day. I CAN'T SING. AT ALL. Now I'm in theater. It's ten times better. I learn a lot more and find myself enjoying the class. In fact, I liked it so much I was moved into the JV class.

So, like I was saying, I'm excited to be a junior and all, but I just don't feel like I'm old enough to be one. Sure, I'm tall enough the be one-five four, but that doesn't really count. My older sister will be going away to college. I'll be driving and working. It'll be a whole new world and I've never been one known for liking change. In fact, it's safe to say I fervently hate it. We'll just have to see how the year maps out, won't we?

Well, I'm off to go buy some fried rice and drink a can of Coke!






Random conversation of the day-
Melissa-Have you ever snuck out of the house?
Me-Shut up.
Melissa-No, really, Katy! Have you ever snuck out your window and jumped over the air conditioning vent & hopped over the gate?
Me-Why would I hop over the gate?
Melissa-Because you can't walk through it!
Me-Um, I would try opening the gate next time. Idiot.
Melissa-AH!!!!

Random thought of the day-Today I painted my nails red in the middle of class. I am a model student, aren't I?